**A note from the office :: A couple months ago I came across a story of a man with young children that committed a year to doing an act of love for his wife every single day. I emailed him immediately (although I didn’t even know his name until a couple days ago) and asked him to tell us his story. This is the first of three blog posts he has graciously agreed to write for us. Since he writes on his own blog anonymously, he will be doing the same for us. I pray you are as encouraged and challenged as I have been by his story. You can read more from his blog here.

About nine months ago, I committed to doing an intentional act of love for my wife every day for a year and I’ve been keeping track of my project—which I’ve called 365 Acts of Love—at my blog. In that time, I’ve committed a wide variety of acts: I’ve written my wife numerous love notes, given her tons of massages, taken her on a whale-watching tour by helicopter, filled our living room with balloons (which were themselves filled with candy and love notes), watched the kids on various occasions so she could go shopping or get coffee with a friend, taken her on a sunset cruise, and the list goes on. As it turns out, this year has been one of the more challenging years of my life.

What drove me to make this huge commitment? Whether or not some lesser commitment would’ve sufficed (an act of love a week, maybe?), I took on this project to rekindle my love for my wife. When she and I first started dating, growing in love for each other was easy. But then, life happened: we had kids and we worked hard to pay the bills and to keep me in school. Keeping our romance aflame got put on the back burner.

Still, it seemed to me that things were okay. My wife and I enjoyed each other and lead relatively happy lives. Still, she would occasionally tell me that I wasn’t doing much to show her that I love her. That seemed absurd to me. But as she said that more and more, my response changed from confusion to utter annoyance.

Then everything came to a head about a year ago. While driving to the beach, we got into a heated discussion. She told me that I don’t do much to show her that I love her and I maintained the opposite. I told her that I show my love by consistently helping out around the house, being there for the family all the time, going grocery shopping with her every week, working really hard to support our family, etc. I got frustrated because I couldn’t understand why that wasn’t enough. “I’ve given everything for you and our family and I’ve loved every minute! What more could you want from me?!” I thought I had her. How could she argue with that? Very well, it turned out. She said she appreciates those things, but she wants more. She said that she wants to be romanced, but that I don’t do that. She was right—I rarely brought her flowers or told her that I love her or wrote her love notes or held her hand or told her she’s beautiful or took her on dates. Somewhere along our journey, I stopped romancing her. In spite of all that I did for her, I took our relationship for granted.

After that conversation, I decided to change. But I knew that unless I did something systematic, the change wouldn’t last. So I came up with the idea for my blog. It required me to be consistent with its built in accountability and seemed like a great opportunity for change. I thus committed to 365 Acts of Love by creating the blog and posting this resolution:

You are my beloved and I am yours. But after several years of marriage, I’ve grown passive about our relationship–no longer do I passionately pursue your love nor express mine. I’m not sure how or why this happened, but I know that I want it to change. I love you, but desire to love you more and want you to feel loved by me. So, starting today, I’m resolving to commit a different, intentional act of love for you every day for a year, so that our relationship may thrive once again . . . By blogging about this journey, I hope to preserve the memory of this year as a gift to you.

Since I started this project, I’ve realized that my problem is more than just a lack of romance. By not putting the effort into our relationship that it required, I was being selfish. I wasn’t romancing my wife, not because the kids or school or work got in the way, but because my thoughts, desires, will, etc. were all turned toward myself. And it ate away at our relationship.

But 365 Acts of Love has changed things for the better. For one, it’s made an astounding difference in our relationship. 42 days into the project, I said this:

I’m happy to say that after 42 days, I don’t just see a need to romance you, I want to romance you. I can’t wait to see what happens in the next 343 days.

And 70 days into the project, my wife told me this:

I feel like we’re friends again. Happy friends. Not just roommates . . . It’s clear you’ve been thinking about me during the day. Like how you gave me that coffee card . . .You’ve been so romantic lately. That’s exactly what I’ve wanted from you this entire time. That’s exactly what I’ve been talking about.

Our relationship has really grown and we’re more unified than we’ve ever been. We’re experiencing a joy that’s been absent for a while. We’re happy to serve one another and we’re setting our sights on serving people outside of our family.

365 Acts of Love is also changing us as individuals. I’ve noticed that serving my wife and family comes more naturally than before (though it’s still a struggle). In addition, my desire has strengthened a ton to keep our relationship and our family together, healthy, happy, and centered on God. And I’ve gained a renewed desire to be the kind of man that God designed me to be.

As for my wife, she’s happier—even giddier—and more confident. She’s more willing to try new things, daring things (at least for her), like riding a helicopter. She’s putting a bunch of effort into centering our home around loving and glorifying God. And she’s opened herself up to me like never before.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve taken away from 365 Acts of Love is that developing a good relationship requires great care. As an analogy, consider the work it takes to grow a garden. No one expects a garden to flourish from a few days of hard work. Instead, it sometimes takes months of daily hard work for it to be fruitful. In other words, gardens don’t self-maintain or self-improve. But neither do relationships. Both require consistent and careful attention and cultivation. Left to themselves, they wither and eventually die.

I put a lot of work into my marriage at the beginning to get it to a certain level, then expected it to stay there. I thought that after a while my wife and I would be able to just sit back and enjoy our lives together. But when I stopped working hard, our marriage slowly and almost imperceptibly withered. Although things could’ve been worse, they weren’t where they should’ve been. I’m so glad I started 365 Acts of Love when I did.

I would encourage all of you married folks to consistently and carefully attend to and cultivate your marriages. If your relationship is great, don’t expect it to stay that way without effort. If it’s bad or mediocre, work hard to change it. It’s possible that your hard work won’t bring about the change you expect. But your relationship won’t be good unless you try.

If you have been keeping up, good for you! I knew I liked you.

After our amazing experience adopting Reed from Taiwan, we quickly climbed aboard the adoption wagon again. This time we wanted a daughter. We loved Taiwan, so we stuck with our same agency.

After about a year and a half of slowly getting things together, we were ready to officially be on our agency’s waitlist. About this same time, our agency lost their ability to facilitate adoptions in Taiwan. We were so bummed.

We began to do research about other agencies from which we could adopt. We found one that was run by a group of Christians in Taiwan and were very hopeful that this would work, but they denied us. Then a good cyber-friend, Sarah, told me about another agency with a  brand-new Taiwan program. I called and although they were excited about the program, they already had a long waitlist. This was March. They told me to call back in the fall.

Through God’s providence, I had left them my information and they called me about a month later asking if we were still interested. We quickly agreed and signed on with the agency. We did their required paperwork and were moving further into our plans for adoption.

On Abbey’s thirtieth birthday, April 29, 2010, I kissed Abbey as I left for work and she told me she would really like a referral for her birthday. After arriving at work, I decided to email our homestudy to the agency. About 1.5 hours later I received a call from our agency that went something like this:

Social Worker: “Jeff, I received your homestudy. It looks like you all are great candidates for adoption.”

Me: “Yes?”

Social Worker: “You know that we do not allow you to specify gender preference.”

Me: “Yes, we realize that.” 

Social Worker: “You don’t list any preferences for a sibling set.”

Me: “We’ve never really thought about it. I guess we would be open, but we would want Reed to be our oldest.”

Social Worker: “Well, Jeff, the reason why I am asking is that we have a two year old little boy who needs a family and he also had a baby brother born this morning.”

Me:  (speechless)

Social Worker: “Are you still there? Do you think this might be a match for your family?”

I quickly explained to our social worker that I indeed felt that it would be a match, but I would need to talk to my wife first. In my heart, I knew immediately these weren’t just any boys, they were my sons.

I called Abbey and the conversation went like this:

Me: “Abbey, remember what you asked me for you birthday? I think you might get it.”

Abbey: “What did I ask you for?”

Me: “You know what you asked me for this morning before I left?”

Abbey: “I don’t get it, do you mean a referral.”

Me: “Yes, I sent them our homestudy and they called me already. He is a two year old little boy.”

Abbey: “Really”

Me: “And he has a brother that was born this morning!”

Abbey: “TWO?!?”

Abbey also knew immediately that we were these boys parents. Nash and Will first entered our arms on September 11, 2010 (3 years and 1 day after the first time we held Reed!). Nash and Reed are best brothers. They are very different and yet completely and totally inseparable. Will is amazing and happy and into everything!  Going from one to three wasn’t easy, but the story didn’t end there.

While in Taiwan, we made contact with a missionary who facilitated adoptions. On the Sunday morning after Will’s first birthday, she emailed us to tell us a birth mother wanted us to adopt her baby girl. Confused, scared, and overjoyed, we immediately knew this was God’s baby for our family.

One week later, we found out that SHE was HE and we were going to be having another SON! Tuck was born on October 27, 2011 and entered our arms on March 16, 2012. We’ve been home almost two months and Tuck is easygoing and our lives are better for him. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with four beautiful, handsome, amazing sons!

Here Are Some Adoption Truths About Expenses:

1. International and Domestic Adoption can be expensive (VERY EXPENSIVE)! If you look at the expense of adoption it can be overwhelming. I promise you that there is no feasible reason why we have been able to adopt four boys from Taiwan.

2. God is in every detail. God has provided for each one of our adoptions. That doesn’t mean we have done it completely debt free, but we have been willing to work to do what we know that God is calling us to do. With each adoption, we have had a small loan, and within one year of each, the loans have been paid in full.

3. Not everyone qualifies for grants.  Many people ask us why we don’t apply for grants. We did. We have. BUT, we have never been approved. We’re not sure why, but don’t just assume that you will get a grant.

4. There is government help. The adoption tax credit is an amazing gift of the US government which helps families who are adopting.

5. Constant fundraising can be annoying! First of all, I’ve got to admit this is a bit of a soapbox. It drives me crazy to hear people say “We can’t afford to adopt” while they are driving a Lexus or posting about the need for $500 towards an adoption expense from one’s iPad 3. If God is calling you to adopt, He is also calling you to sacrifice. This sacrifice might not only be that of time, but is almost about finances, faith, and trust. Abbey and I absolutely did some fundraising, but it was very important that we acted with utmost stewardship while we were completing our adoptions and as we parent our boys. God might be asking you to stretch yourself further than you think.

About my boys:

Drake Reed Kai Land – Reed is five and is a super athlete and is basically a genius! Drake is Abbey’s maiden name and Reed is my middle name. Kai was Reed’s birth name, but we have given the name to each of our son’s in what we call their “brother” name.

Nash Fisher Kai Land – Nash is our happy, humorous, dimples-that-melt-your-heart little boy. He is four. Nash was named for our home Nashville and Fisher, which is Abbey’s Dad’s Middle name.

William Arthur Kai Land – Will is into everything. He gives the greatest hugs and blows kisses to everyone. He is definitely an extrovert even at age 2. Will is named after my best friend, Bill and after my father Art.

Jackson Tucker Kai Land – Abbey and I met in college in Jackson, MS. Truth is, Tuck’s name was kind of hard for us to figure out. Reed, Nash, Will, and Tuck each have four-letter, one syllable names that don’t share any like letters. Okay, you go ahead and try to figure out our other options! Tuck is absolutely amazing! He is laid-back and easy going.

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Jeff Land is husband of Abbey and father of four amazing sons. He is Preteen Team Leader at Lifeway Church Resources and is an active member of First Baptist Church in Joelton, TN.

But let me, if I could, challenge you to try something else with your 20 minutes:

Consider what you’re bringing into your house this afternoon. Because you are bringing something.

To put it another way, it’s realizing that the temperament of your wife and your kids is going to be altered in some way upon your arrival. It might be that you’ve had a hard day, and you want nothing more than to sit down and watch the news because, after all, you’ve earned it. It might be that you’ve been missing your family all day and you’ll bring laughter and joy with you. Whatever the case, you’re going to bring something. Here, then, is where we get to the challenge.

On your ride home, think about one word. Just one word. It’s one word that you’re bringing with you into the house. And ask the Lord to help you with it.

Now I’m not talking about some mystic sense where the word writes itself on your dashboard; I’m talking about using your God-given wisdom and intuition under the guide of the Holy Spirit to consider what one, key attribute you are going to bring to the table tonight. And chances are it’s going to be different every day:

Discipline.

Understanding.

Celebration.

Patience.

Love.

It’s not that hard to come up with a list, and frankly, it’s not that hard to know what you need to choose to be. You’ve talked and texted with your wife during the day. You know how the kids have been and what their activities have been like. You know. This is just actively verbalizing and committing to what you already know to be true.

Has your wife had a hard day? You bring understanding. Have the kids gotten good report cards? You bring celebration. Has someone been picking on them at school? You bring protection. Is your family worried about finances? Your bring provision.

One word, Dads. What’s it going to be today?

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This blog was written by Michael Kelley and originally published on his blog - michaelkelleyministries.com.  He is a husband, father, writer, and speaker from Nashville, TN. In addition to speaking across the country at churches, conferences, and retreats, he is the Director of Discipleship at LifeWay Christian Resources.

My sons have a hard time celebrating each other. Often, when one has been successful in the classroom or on the court, the other might wince a bit as any affirmation or compliments he might give somehow get stuck behind his teeth on the tip of his toungue. Instead of congratulating and celebrating, they find it easier to point out something that could have been done better . . . or at least differently.

2 – What are you Waiting For?  :: Do you find yourself saying “I’ll do it tomorrow” a lot?  Check out this encouraging blog from Perry Noble.

Why in the world would you EVER put off until “later” what you know you are supposed to do right now?

And STOP with the excuses!!!  No one has ever done anything significant because they sat around and made excuses.

The person who makes excuses never makes a difference.

 

3 – For the Gals: 8 Principles for Dating :: this is a great post on the Resurgence blog!

Formulating a list of what I would tell myself back then, my advice began with a stern warning to stay away from any man with a mullet . . . but then again, it was the ’90s—every man had a mullet!

On a more serious note, these are eight principles that would have taken much confusion and heartbreak out of those tumultuous dating years. I hope they help you:

1. REPEAT AFTER ME: “YOU ARE LOVED.”

Abbey and I immediately made an appointment at a local adoption agency to find our baby. We didn’t know a lot about adoption, we were certainly excited, but cautiously optimistic. We’d heard stories of long adoption wait times, birth mothers changing their minds, and thousands of dollars in expenses.

We went in to the agency that morning with a clear picture of the type of adoption we would like to pursue—domestic adoption of an infant. We truly wanted the experience of having a baby, so we thought international adoption would not be an option for us. While we were there, we met a social worker named Bethany who was pursuing an adoption in Taiwan. She told us about how Taiwan adoptions are usually pretty fast, and that you can get a fairly young baby. This appealed to us, so when faced with the uncertainty of domestic adoption, we pursued an international adoption from Taiwan full force.

Blessed with an AMAZING social worker, our homestudy was complete in a matter of weeks. In no time at all we had everything ready to send to our agency. So, by mid-February 2007, we were beginning to play a game all adoptive families are very, very familiar with. The game is called Hurry Up and Wait! After you turn everything to your agency, you just kind of sit on pins and needles until you get that long-awaited email or phone call telling you about your baby.

Amazingly, we only waited for 1.5 months until we got that email. I was sitting at my desk when Abbey called me and said “We got a referral!” We had agreed to not look at the pictures until we were both together, so I immediately hung up and drove as fast (and safely!) as I could home. The 29-mile drive home has never been so long, but provided me with ample time to cry and praise Jesus!

Abbey had the Macbook up and ready when I got home and we sat in the floor of our dining room as we pulled up our email that said “Congratulations! This is a referral for a baby boy named Yang, Kai Cheng!” As we hurriedly scrolled past the words our eyes caught a glimpse of the most wonderfully made little baby boy our eyes have ever seen! Reed immediately moved out of that picture and into our hearts.

Excitedly we threw our clothes in bags and drove 3.5 hours to Memphis, TN to tell Abbey’s parents. We spent the night and then drove another 3.5 hours to Jackson, MS to tell my parents. We were all overjoyed.

For the next few months, we played more of our (least) favorite game until we received the call that told us to go to Taiwan to pick up Reed. We excitedly boarded a plane and received Reed into our arms on September 10, 2007 in Taichung, Taiwan. He was the most amazing little boy God could have created.

With Taiwan adoptions, like many domestic adoptions, we had the opportunity to meet Reed’s birth family. We exchanged gifts and conversation and ended the time together with a very, very, (did I mention VERY!) emotional goodbye.

We arrived home to a crowd of friends and family who were singing the words to Chris Tomlin’s “How Great Is Our God!” as we rode down the escalator. It was an amazing time of worship and thankfulness that I will never forget.

Reed assimilated into our family better than I believe a biological child ever could have. I cannot even describe the amount of love I feel in my heart for him. How much I care and watch and protect him. He is a part of me whether blood or looks could ever confirm it.

There is so much more to tell of this story, but you will have to wait until next Thursday – May 10th.

In the meantime, check out these tips of things NOT to say to an adoptive parent:

1. He is so cute, why did his real family not want him? There are actually two errors here. One, the adoptive family is very much his REAL family and two, rarely would you find a birth parent who doesn’t love his or her child. The very fact that they choose life for this baby means they WANT him. Most of the time, they just can’t raise him.

2. How much did you pay for him? There are times that this could be appropriate (i.e. you are considering adopting and you have a good relationship with the parent). There are other times when this is not appropriate (i.e. you are standing in line at Wednesday night supper and the adoptive parent is a first time guest).

3. You know you will get pregnant with a real child now. First, see comment about real parents. The same thing applies about kids. They are real. If you don’t believe me, I’ll let you change the next diaper! Second, not all adoptive parents are unable to have biological children, some adoptive parents have suffered for years with infertility and may mourn the fact they cannot have biological children, and finally, after having Reed we absolutely never wanted to have biological children.

4. Does he know Chinese? OK, so this one is sort of a joke, but we really do get asked that one quite a bit. So, don’t be surprised when I answer “Yes, he cries fluently in Mandarin.” 

Bottom line: Adoptive families want to be treated just like biological families. Don’t go out of your way to treat them differently—that is just awkward.

___________

Jeff Land is husband of Abbey and father of four amazing sons. He is Preteen Team Leader at Lifeway Church Resources and is an active member of First Baptist Church in Joelton, TN.

“Dad, how do you clean a fish?”

“Just cut his head off, son.  The rest should take care of itself from there.”

“Dad, what does a spark plug do?”

“Hey look, a butterfly.”

My senior year of high school I failed out of a trigonometry class and got put in a wood shop class. This excited me.  Trigonometry didn’t seem to have a lot to offer but wood shop would probably help me to learn some dad things.  This way, if my kid ever asked me what a spark plug did I could at least build him a bird house.  My first few days in wood shop were spent telling jokes and seeing who could hammer a nail into a board the fastest.

And then, almost as quickly as it started, I got taken out of that wood shop class.  I don’t think anyone else, in the history of public education, has ever been taken out of wood shop.  Wood shop classes exist for the kids that get taken out of other classes.  When school administrators pull you from a wood shop class, it’s sort of like getting kicked out of prison.  My fears of fatherhood remained.

So instead of wood shop, I got put in an electronics class.  I was okay with this.  Now, whenever my kid would ask me what a spark plug does I could teach him how to slide his church shoes on the carpet and electrocute his friends.  That’s classic dad stuff, right?  Unfortunately, all we ever did in electronics class was watch movies.  The movie we watched the most was Short Circuit starring Steve Guttenberg.  The good news is that I got an A in that class.  The bad news is that now, whenever my kids ask me what a spark plug does, I tell them a stupid joke and talk about the Police Academy movies.

I’m a 36-year-old father of two young boys and my worst fears as a kid have finally been realized.  I don’t know a lot of dad stuff and I think my kids are on to me.  My oldest son wants to build a tree house.  I’m really hoping Jesus comes back before that time comes.

To compensate for my lack of knowledge, I try to spend a lot of time with my boys doing what I did as a kid: playing outside, playing on the floor, praying, reading the Bible, loving mom and watching Kung-Fu Theater.  Sadly, Kung-Fu Theater doesn’t come on anymore but there are worthy substitutes.

I always pick up my youngest son, kiss him and ask him who he loves.  He’s 16 so he really hates when I do this.  No, really he’s a lot younger than that.  But every time I ask him who he loves he does the same thing.  He points at the wall, or the ceiling, or the refrigerator.  Anything but dad.

One day I was asking my son this question and he was giving his usual response when his older brother walked up and said, “Hey dad, ask me who I love.”

I sensed a Hallmark moment coming so I gladly played along.

“Who do you love more than anybody in the whole world?”

“Mom!”

For a minute I felt like a real loser.  I should have petitioned to stay in that wood shop class.  But then it hit me.

Maybe my son loves his mom so much because he sees how much I love her.  And maybe he’ll grow to love Jesus even more because of how much I love Jesus.  In a way that’s kind of intimidating but it’s also very liberating.  Who cares if I don’t know how to do a lot of dad stuff?  If I can just, by God’s grace, love my wife like Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25), train up my boys in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) and love Jesus more than anything else (Deuteronomy 6:5), I think all of the rest will be just fine.

This week I spent some time with a senior adult in my church.  She lives alone and she says her kids are always asking her if she gets lonely in that big house all by herself.  She tells them that she never gets lonely because she’s never alone.  And then she told me about the time a tornado came through her town in the 1930s and how good of a job her dad did at taking care of the family.  The loving presence of her earthly father taught her a great lesson about the far greater loving presence of her heavenly Father.

I hope I teach the same lesson to my boys.

__________

This post was written by Jason Sanders.  He has been married to his wife Marsha for 9 years and they have two boys, Isaac and Caleb.  He is a graduate of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and for the past four years has been serving as Pastor of Towaliga Baptist Church in Jackson, Georgia.

Men, I’ve got great news for you! Take it from a ninety-year-old husband who for the past three years has had the privilege of serving as caregiver for his wife, now in the twilight period of life here below.

2 – One Year After the Affair :: I always enjoy reading Justin and Trisha Davis’ blog, Refine Us.  They have taken a very personal time in their life and made it public so that others can learn and be encouraged.  This is a great post written by Justin talking about their one year mark post his affair.

Seven years ago today, everything changed. With four words, I cost my wife, family and so many around me what seemed like everything.

“I’m having an affair.”

3 – The Problem with Misinterpreting Wisdom Literature :: This is an excerpt from The Gospel Project for Adults Bible Study (LifeWay Christian Resources) that was published on The Gospel Coalition blog. The Gospel Project is an ongoing 13-week Bible study curriculum for all age groups that helps people see Scripture as one over-arching story that points to what God has done for us through Jesus Christ. Find out more and download one month to review free at www.gospelproject.com.

Jill’s parents did everything right. They raised their daughter according to the truths of Scripture. Prayers before meals; prayers before bed. Church three times a week. During the summer, Jill attended church-sponsored camps where she memorized Bible verses. During the semester, she attended a top-tier private Christian school.

But in college, Jill renounced the faith and intentionally distanced herself from church. Expelled for drug and alcohol use, she moved in to live with her boyfriend. Jill’s parents were shocked. “What have we done wrong?” they asked. “Why has Jill rejected the God we raised her to love?”

Fast forward a little bit and I’ve decided that I think a 10-year plan for having children would be nice. Abbey and I were both in grad school. She was at Dallas Baptist and I was at Southwestern. I was serving in my first church as Children’s Pastor (ironic for a person who didn’t want kids of his own), when a young mother had a baby. We went to visit and as I was holding that sweet little Grace in my arms, my eyes met Abbey’s and we knew it was our time. Our time to start a family, after only our fourth year of marriage. (So much a for a 10-year plan.)

Our first pregnancy came quickly. We had just settled into my first full-time role as Children’s Pastor in middle Tennessee, when we learned of our exciting news. Not wasting any time, we told everyone (including our large church family) that we were having a baby. Sadly, shortly into the pregnancy, we experienced the most painful time of our married lives. We had a miscarriage.  Beaten but not broken, we forged ahead with our plan for a family. After a year passed, we visited a fertility clinic. A series of IUIs led to our second pregnancy on our fifth attempt. That pregnancy also ended in miscarriage.

Broken, I swore off any more doctors and prayed for a miracle. Abbey suffered through depression and found great comfort with a Christian counselor who also dealt with infertility. After a year of no doctors, we once again visited a Fertility clinic. This time, we went through a battery of tests, which led our doctor to recommend In Vitro due to both of us having genetic abnormalities. Even still, we had a slim chance of achieving a viable pregnancy. We both were uncomfortable with IVF, so we decided to not pursue further fertility treatments.

This news was quite painful for me as a man. I wasn’t able to use my body to grow my family. I would never experience the joy of looking into the eyes of my child and seeing a part of myself – a creation that signified the union of husband and wife, God’s precious gift of children.

Knowing fully that God intended us to be parents, we pursued adoption immediately. We had no idea of the adventure we were about to embark on, but we accepted it with full confidence in what we knew was God’s plan for us. (Be sure to check back with me in May — when I will continue our family story.)

In the meantime, here are a few things to think about if you are experiencing infertility or know someone who has. Or, even if you have ever lost a baby due to miscarriage.

1. Never make eye contact with another man in a fertility clinic. Keep your head down. None of us really want to be there. If you make eye contact you have to say something and what exactly do you say?

2. Consider your options wisely. I’ve not shared my story of adoption yet, but really consider if fertility treatments are right for you? Ask God for a heart for adoption. The financial drain of fertility treatments can effect how quickly you can adopt if the treatments fail.

3. No one understands like another man who has been through it. Find someone to talk to and share your awkward “fertility clinic” moments with. I could write a book.

4. Never respond to a miscarriage by saying, “Keep trying” or “once you have baby, you won’t even think about this baby anymore.” It is completely OK to respond to someone as if he has just lost a child. He has.

5. Laugh as much as possible. This is painful, confusing, and trying time. Keep the attitude positive. You’ll learn that modesty sort of goes out the window during fertility treatments, so taking yourself to seriously can be hard.

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Jeff Land is husband of Abbey and father of four amazing sons. He is Preteen Team Leader at Lifeway Church Resources and is an active member of First Baptist Church in Joelton, TN.

Just before I was to speak, I sized up the audience to see if I needed to adapt any part of my message.  In the audience, I noticed a man sitting all alone wearing a jungle hat and dark sunglasses.  In some parts of Oklahoma that’s not that out of the ordinary, but we were indoors, so it seemed a little strange.  I just figured his bauble was a little off center and moved on scanning the audience.  After I spoke, to my surprise the man in dark sunglasses approached me, introduced himself, and shared how the message challenged him.  To protect his identity, I will refer to him as “Robert.”  As we talked, Robert slowly removed the sunglasses he was hiding behind and began to share his story.  I soon found out that “life” for Robert began to unravel in 2005.  After 32 years of marriage, Robert’s wife left him and his grown children, and severed all relationships with him.  What stood before me was a man broken and wounded by the consequences of his past sins.  Instead of facing his problems head on, like a lot of men, Robert moved into isolation.  Running from his pain, Robert moved several hundred miles away into isolation on 120 acres at the end of an old country dirt road.  My contact with him that day was his first human contact in over 30 days.

On my ride home I couldn’t help but wonder how many “Roberts” there are in the world.  I thought about my own isolation tendencies I often struggle with.   After all, it’s just as easy to live isolated in suburbia America as it is at the end of a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.  Since the time of Adam, men have struggled with living lives isolated from God and others, paralyzed by the consequences of past failures and sin.

Men – we must safeguard ourselves from living lives of isolation.  Proverbs 18:1 says, “One who isolates himself pursues [selfish] desire; he rebels against all sound judgment.”  If you see a little of “Robert” in yourself, purpose this day to:

• Remember your identity in Christ.  Although there are consequences to sin, we do not have to be defeated by the past Jesus died for.  “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come.” (2 Cor. 5:17, HCSB)
• Remove barriers that keep you isolated from others.  Don’t cocoon or isolate yourself from your family and others.  If you are “in Christ,” then your place is needed in the body of Christ to accomplish the work of Christ.  You are the leader of your family. Leaders don’t run or hide!
• Restore relationships. Restoring fractured relationships takes time and prayer.  Be willing to wait on God to work in your relationships.  Focus on being a servant leader.  Look for opportunities to reengage with those around you.

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This article is written by Keith Burkhart. Keith is the Family & Men’s Ministry Specialist for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma. He is a seasoned Men’s Ministry leader and oversees Rewired, a regional Men’s Ministry retreat featuring Tommy Bowden, Dr. Richard Land and Kenny Luck.

“Fine.”

Sometimes I wonder if that’s the response that Adam got from Cain when he asked him throughout his life, “So how was your day, son?” I can almost see in my mind Abraham, at over 100 years old, walking into the tent, laying down his cane, and saying the same thing to Isaac, “So, my boy, my great hope, my promise from God… How was your day?”

“Fine.”

2 – 10 Ways to be an All Pro Dad :: This is a great list and one of the favorites on the All Pro Dad website.  Did you know that FamilyFirst hosts All Pro Dad Events in various NFL market cities?  Did you also know that All Pro Dad has partnered with LifeWay Christian Resources to bring an All Pro Dad Experience (with Coach Tony Dungy) to your own home or church?  For more information, click HERE!

1. Love Your Wife
   True love is not a feeling. It is a decision. It’s an act of the will to be patient, kind, humble, hopeful, giving, faithful and trusting. When you commit to loving your wife this way, your feelings for her, and hers for you, will follow. Actively loving your wife will radically strengthen your marriage and will also be incredibly beneficial to your children. The number one source of security for kids is to know that their dad loves their mother and is steadfastly committed to her well-being.

On this particular night, Michael ordered the soup. “Is it vegetable stock or chicken stock?” he asked the waitress. “Vegetable,” she replied. “Are you sure,” Michael continued, “I can’t have it if it’s chicken based.” “It’s vegetable,” replied the waitress again confidently.